GF and I were about to sit down for a nice leftover pasta dinner when I noticed something crawling on the ceiling. The Cockroach was slowly moving its way from the brick wall to the kitchen, and the 5 seconds I saw it before GF enabled me to get in position to grab the thickest home [...]
GF and I were about to sit down for a nice leftover pasta dinner when I noticed something crawling on the ceiling. The Cockroach was slowly moving its way from the brick wall to the kitchen, and the 5 seconds I saw it before GF enabled me to get in position to grab the thickest home decorating magazine I could find. I whispered “Don’t worry, I got this!” and maneuvered myself in-between her and the hostile intruder. She, ahem, delicately and quietly moved towards the bedroom and left me to plan my attack against the roach.
We have 12 ft ceilings, so I debated jumping on the table and attempting to thrust the magazine against it vertically. At this exact moment, the roach stopped and seemed to look me straight in the face. It sensed my hesitation, flicked me off, and started flying directly towards my face. I let out a little scream as this giant monster took to the air to decapitate me with its wings. This was first time I saw one fly, having heard stories from my good friend in Bermuda about their flying roaches, I was expecting a devastating whoosh as it soared around the room and prayed for death. I crouched with the magazine ready…and waited…and waited… and it finally flew over my head and onto the blinds. Any fear I had was washed away by the pure slowness of the flight of this roach. I jingled the blind and it flew to the brick wall again. I casually walked towards it and wanting to impress GF, decided to lunge like that dude in 300 who thew the spear at that other dude and chucked the magazine against the wall with all my might.
An utterly perfect throw, the roach was hit and fell to the ground and I finished the deed with a quick squish of the magazine. I turned with a big grin of satisfaction, expecting to be congratulated on my prowess and agility by GF and she was no where to be found. She called me 2 seconds later and revealed she had sneaked outside and called her mother. I bent down and picked up the home decorating magazine, my Excalibur, and with a slight smile, returned it to the pile of other magazines.
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